A few weeks ago I was out shopping. I was just minding my own business when 2 African men popped into the store I was in. They were clearly African, dressed in traditional African garb, and hence very eye-catching. They spoke in loud, bellowing voices and when a salesgirl approached them, they said they were looking for women's dresses.
I went about my own shopping and while I was making rounds, noticed that the African men hadn't progressed much further into the shop. They were still with the salesgirl and it looked like a misunderstanding had occurred, with one of the men sternly telling her, 'We don't dress like that in Africa,' .
The poor girl looked a little helpless, but I don't think there was reason for her to feel that way - there were clothes there that would fit a myriad of styles. It looked liked the girl had directed them to a section with flimsy little beach cover ups, shorts, and other itty bitty clothes. The first thing that probably popped into her head was the notoriously hot African sun. It was good thinking on her part as a salegirl to consider weather. However, for her, strike one.
The clothes were pretty loud. They were colourful, had crazy prints, and some had odd little details and weird cuts. Strike two.
If she was unsure, she should have asked the men for a description of what they were looking for. It looked like she did not, because the men were disagreeing with all her suggestions. I think it is a basic first step when serving anyone. The fact that the men were of different culture that she wasn't familiar with actually makes this step all the more important. Strike three.
With a stern 'We don't dress like that in Africa', she's out! The men were quite clearly offended at this point.
Based on my understanding, this is what I think of the whole situation-
The men were dressed traditionally, she should have not pointed them out to those 2 classes of clothing first - loud prints, summer friendly cuts. While the clothes may not have looked out of place on someone here in Singapore, she should have also kept in mind that she was serving people of different culture and different values. We dress differently, they very clearly dress differently.
Maybe I can empathise with the girl. Men shopping for women is different from women shopping for themselves. If the women the men wanted to buy clothes for were present, judging by their attire, the salesgirl could have pointed them out quickly to something that might suit their tastes. Since the women were not there, it was probably harder for the salesgirl to do that.
BUT, and a very big but it is, the men were traditionally dressed. That should have hinted at the kind of clothes that would or would not be receptive to. The girl should not have been ignorant of that. Instead of first pointing them out to clothes in crazy colours or summer-friendly cuts, she should have first pointed them out to something more subdued and also perhaps something more covered up. It was a pretty obvious step to me that the girl failed to take. I say failed because the trio were still at the front of the shop where all the wacky things were. The back offered more mature designs.
The men's attires were clues themselves that the girl should have caught on. I'm not sure if the men bought anything from the shop as I left soon after overhearing their little misunderstanding. One thing is for sure, though, that the salesgirl could have handled the situation much better.
Working in town would definitely include serving people of different cultures, from different countries. She should have been more sensitive to the African men and their culture. Being sensitive doesn't require in depth knowledge of the culture, and often we are told not to judge people in a superficial manner, based on what they look like and how they dress, but I think this is not the case in the fashion industry.
If you work in the fashion retail industry, I think I can safely say that you can and maybe should judge people based on their attire. Clothes are a big part of culture, and even if you had zero knowledge on a person's cultures and practices, the clothes can offer a little insight into their world.
If you were respectful and sensitive to other cultures, you wouldn't dress in a tight little bandage dress or wear tiny shorts while traveling in places like the Middle East, maybe also some parts of traditional Africa, even if it was sweltering. Similarly, if that same lady you saw covered up in those countries were to visit your country, you wouldn't first suggest that tight little bandage dress now would you?
Friday, 4 October 2013
Wednesday, 28 August 2013
Resolving Interpersonal Conflict
As individuals whose lives intersect those of other individuals, we are sure to and bound to experience conflict. I am sure everybody has had their fair share of conflict that always makes for juicy fodder in conversation with others outside the problem!
I know I have. And I've had more than my fair share of it. I've had plenty enough that a change in phone number is just pending! I admit that I can indeed be rather callous in my interpersonal relationships,and rather shamelessly I also admit that most times this works to my advantage, but there are also times I truly regret my actions. I have cut many people off without telling them why, and I have told as many people off harshly. I definitely want to change my habits,which is why I am taking this module! For this post,I will talk about one of my more recent conflicts which still feels unresolved today. It involves one of my closest friends.
I've known my friend for about 6 years. Not a very long time, but we became close really quickly. I felt it wasn't like the usual best friend relationship I had with my other close friends. We've been through really bad episodes that could break the friendship up,and indeed many times we've fought and not spoken to each other for months on end. Yet in the end no matter how ugly the fight was,or how big the issue was, we always could talk things out and resume our friendship. It seemed to bring us closer together too. It really was a friendship different from the others!
Being as close as we were, I bothered my friend any time I wanted and about anything I wanted. Of course this goes both ways! Towards the end of our friendship, my friend became less and less responsive. I didn't even expect him to entertain my random musings anymore,so I stopped my habits.
When I had real problems though, I would still reach out to him. When I drop him a message he doesn't reply, when I call, he promises to call back but this almost never happened. Listening to each other's problems was something I thought even the most basic level of friends did. I started to resent him for his behaviour and the more this happened the more my resentment for him grew. What was odd was that after each one of these episodes,we just pretended all was fine and behaved like it never happened.
I felt like I was being made use of,because I would always be there when he wanted yet he did not treat me the same way. He was treating me worse everyday,till finally I decided to end the friendship.
I am the confrontational type,so when I feel there is a problem, I would talk about it. Since the friendship started falling apart, I have tried many times to get him to talk about his feelings, but he never did. He just never cooperated with my attempts to straighten out our issues and mend the friendship. He never gave me the chance to understand him. So I thought to end it.
I tried again,for the last time to seek closure,telling him exactly how I felt about the friendship. I put a lot of thought and great care in expressing my thoughts and emotions,making sure to be tactful and considerate of his thoughts and emotions. However,again,there was no response.
So here I am today, with a friendship I ended that still needs some closure. There is still this hope inside me that he would and could be honest with me with his side of the story even though the friendship is dead. I am not greatly troubled with the way things turned out,but it definitely could have been better. At least with a response, I would feel a little more at peace.
Maybe the problem lay with us being too close and hence too comfortable with each other. When this happens people tend to take each other for granted, and become less sensitive to the likes,dislikes even feelings of each other. I found this to be true in my case. I was also definitely to blame. Sometimes even when he told me was busy I would still bother him with the most mundane of issues. Things he probably did not want to be involved in,i sometimes got him involved. I just assumed as a level 10000 friend he wouldn't mind! But he never was direct me,hence many times i had to guess myself how he felt. Just as my resentment for him grew, his towards me probably did too, just that he was annoyingly silent about it.
In anything,including this failed friendship,it always takes two hands to clap. We were both at fault.
How would you have handled the situation? Would you have tried to save the friendship and how? Or would you also have ended it and what would your approach be?
I know I have. And I've had more than my fair share of it. I've had plenty enough that a change in phone number is just pending! I admit that I can indeed be rather callous in my interpersonal relationships,and rather shamelessly I also admit that most times this works to my advantage, but there are also times I truly regret my actions. I have cut many people off without telling them why, and I have told as many people off harshly. I definitely want to change my habits,which is why I am taking this module! For this post,I will talk about one of my more recent conflicts which still feels unresolved today. It involves one of my closest friends.
I've known my friend for about 6 years. Not a very long time, but we became close really quickly. I felt it wasn't like the usual best friend relationship I had with my other close friends. We've been through really bad episodes that could break the friendship up,and indeed many times we've fought and not spoken to each other for months on end. Yet in the end no matter how ugly the fight was,or how big the issue was, we always could talk things out and resume our friendship. It seemed to bring us closer together too. It really was a friendship different from the others!
Being as close as we were, I bothered my friend any time I wanted and about anything I wanted. Of course this goes both ways! Towards the end of our friendship, my friend became less and less responsive. I didn't even expect him to entertain my random musings anymore,so I stopped my habits.
When I had real problems though, I would still reach out to him. When I drop him a message he doesn't reply, when I call, he promises to call back but this almost never happened. Listening to each other's problems was something I thought even the most basic level of friends did. I started to resent him for his behaviour and the more this happened the more my resentment for him grew. What was odd was that after each one of these episodes,we just pretended all was fine and behaved like it never happened.
I felt like I was being made use of,because I would always be there when he wanted yet he did not treat me the same way. He was treating me worse everyday,till finally I decided to end the friendship.
I am the confrontational type,so when I feel there is a problem, I would talk about it. Since the friendship started falling apart, I have tried many times to get him to talk about his feelings, but he never did. He just never cooperated with my attempts to straighten out our issues and mend the friendship. He never gave me the chance to understand him. So I thought to end it.
I tried again,for the last time to seek closure,telling him exactly how I felt about the friendship. I put a lot of thought and great care in expressing my thoughts and emotions,making sure to be tactful and considerate of his thoughts and emotions. However,again,there was no response.
So here I am today, with a friendship I ended that still needs some closure. There is still this hope inside me that he would and could be honest with me with his side of the story even though the friendship is dead. I am not greatly troubled with the way things turned out,but it definitely could have been better. At least with a response, I would feel a little more at peace.
Maybe the problem lay with us being too close and hence too comfortable with each other. When this happens people tend to take each other for granted, and become less sensitive to the likes,dislikes even feelings of each other. I found this to be true in my case. I was also definitely to blame. Sometimes even when he told me was busy I would still bother him with the most mundane of issues. Things he probably did not want to be involved in,i sometimes got him involved. I just assumed as a level 10000 friend he wouldn't mind! But he never was direct me,hence many times i had to guess myself how he felt. Just as my resentment for him grew, his towards me probably did too, just that he was annoyingly silent about it.
In anything,including this failed friendship,it always takes two hands to clap. We were both at fault.
How would you have handled the situation? Would you have tried to save the friendship and how? Or would you also have ended it and what would your approach be?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)