Everyone who knows me knows I talk a lot, and I love to have fun. Lots and lots of uninhibited fun. haha. I would say I'm generally outgoing and outspoken. And yes, I actually am casual about almost everything. I love talking to everyone and anyone and I try my best to make people feel comfortable around me even if we've never really spoken. In fact, I think what I like best about talking to people is making them feel like we've been friends all along.
However, I've never really cared about what I say or how I say things. It's not that I've never given it thought, it's just that I obnoxiously, consciously really,really didn't care. That is where I think this course has helped me the most. I'm still extremely talkative, crazy Diana but a more conscious, talkative crazy Diana. All the feedback, videos and lessons about things like non-verbal cues, to tone, to the very last video about assertiveness have been really helpful.
For example, in the video on assertiveness, I could identify with the lady blowing up about some brochure design I think. Now, amongst my friends, I am known to be extremely honest sometimes to the point of it being brutal. Imagine the lady blowing up - I say things like that all the time,and I never really cared how the other person felt. Plus I'm also really casual about it. I don't say things like that out of hate, I don't give my words much thought, and I also expect the other party to take it 'casually', at face value, without much meaning. Actually everybody gets offended by me at first before knowing that it's just how I am. People do internalise, and take things personally sometimes.
While the lesson on intercultural communication is about cross-cultural understanding, I do think it has helped me generally empathise better with people. It probably isn't just the intercultural communication lesson, but maybe also the whole process of blogging. Through blogging, I have reflected on things I would have never really given much thought about. Reading other people's blogs and commenting has also helped me reflect more than I actually would in my daily life.
Ok, so I don't think I have really offended people much this semester while taking this course. If I were to apply this to my real life, constantly reflecting, empathising, I would be a better person. This part here is going to quite personal. I know myself best, and I know that I am not the best person out there. There's still a lot for me to develop inside. I am not saying this because I am secretly depressed, or that I am too hard on myself. Remember, I am always honest? So this is how I honestly feel about myself. I've been telling my friends though, that I want to become a better person. I think a large part of becoming a better person is via empathy.
I am not much of a 'feelings' person. I will never be that person who over-internalises, but if I were to apply all the reflecting I've done in this course in my daily life, just putting a little more thought and consideration into things, I think I could get there!
PS. COULD YOU GUYS PLEASE COMMENT. ARE MY POSTS SUPER UNRELATABLE OR WHAT?!
Friday, 15 November 2013
Saturday, 2 November 2013
Reflection on Team Based Research Project Proposal
With the proposal all done and submitted, here I am to reflect on working on it. Having worked on it for the past about half a semester (I think), I do have quite a few things to say about it.
Let me first admit that I am not a group-work person and I have never really looked forward to doing group projects. Having people of different personalities isn't a big issue, really. It can get difficult because you are be required to work with the really difficult, uncooperative types. I've had bad experiences and in one, my group-mates literally disappeared.
That's me, but let me get back to the project for this module, which is what this post is going to be about. By fate, I was placed in a grouping with two exchange students. At first, I thought things would be really difficult because the project was based on a problem in Singapore, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
I had cooperative team-mates, and in the first discussion we had, I was impressed that Kwangyoung, an exchange student from Korea who only came to Singapore at the beginning of the semester suggested something quite Singapore-specific for us to work on. His suggestion had to do with the rich-poor divide, or rather the mega-rich vs the average the Singapore. Singapore is just a playground for the super-rich. The mega-rich were often expats taking all the top positions in the work place making it hard for Singaporeans to get to the top. I thought it was pretty smart.
I didn't have it too bad in terms of communication either. My team-mate from China could communicate well in English. Kwangyoung's English was quite limited, but I am happy to say that despite this, there was almost no problem in communication!
I worked with Kwangyoung in peer teaching and I remember then, that I had quite a hard time communicating with him. I remember our other group-mate, Edmund, doing most of the explaining,re-explaining things I said. This time round, I didn't need Edmund nor did I need the help of my other team-mate. Yay, maybe I did get better at this communicating thing!
Since the project was based on Singapore, and both my team-mates were exchange students, I didn't really expect them to know or understand the issue. The issue we worked on, I feel, was also quite specific. It wasn't, for example, a general issue such as an increasing aging population etc. We worked on the controversial 3am ruling implemented in Clarke Quay only last month, on 1st October. On top of being specific, it is a recent issue too. I had to explain it to them, but I was happy to. I'm glad I played a part in giving them a little more insight into a Singaporean issue.
Having non-Singaporeans in the group also has its benefits. Being foreigners, they could provide insight from their point of view. This gave a broader, expanded view of the issue at hand. Singaporeans working on a Singaporean issue might have limited this. On top of that,I learned a thing or two about how things are done outside Singapore. This was indeed helpful, and even helped form part of the proposed solution.
Of course I faced my share of problems. One was that I had to initiate a lot of things. To be honest that was quite frustrating. But I guess sometimes it has to be that way. I initially thought people in a group would just come together and things would just get done. I don't really believe in having a dominant 'leader' type with the others just being 'followers' in a group. That's the traditional group. I believe in everyone working together on an equal level. I guess this cannot always happen and sometimes people just have to take charge. I used to think people leading projects were just really bossy, pushy, unlike-able people. I understand now that sometimes somebody just has boss and push to get the job done. If I had to, I would boss and push again. I wouldn't do things any different, because what is more important here is getting the job done. I had friends who suggested letting go instead of taking charge and just 'seeing what would happen then', but I think that would be really childish and detrimental to the project.
Another thing I learnt was that not everybody would be as committed to the project. This was a small group, so it was quite obvious. It also meant significantly more contribution by others more involved in the project. It sounds terrible, but realistically, could happen in any other project, whether it is a school or work project. There would always be people more involved and people less involved. It was something I should have expected. It was more stark and bothering probably because it was a small group, but in a larger group, maybe like around 10 or 20 people, it wouldn't have been as bothering. I took part in many CIP projects and of course, some people did more, some did less, but it never bothered me partly because the group was often large.
Mainly, I learnt to have more realistic expectations. Maybe my expectations were too ideal. For this project, I was stern when I had to be stern, however, it did not really change things. I probably have to learn how to better and effectively deal with team-mates who are a little more difficult to work with. At the same time it has to be a way which would encourage them to be more active. This would be especially important in situations where I have to charge. If I learned how to do this, it would benefit the whole team as people would only have to contribute their share and not more to make up for the lack of contribution of some others. It would be fair to everyone working on the project.
As of now, I don't really know how to go about doing this. I thought being stern would help, but it didn't. Have you experienced something similar? I'd love to know how you handled it. Let me know in the comments!
Diana
Let me first admit that I am not a group-work person and I have never really looked forward to doing group projects. Having people of different personalities isn't a big issue, really. It can get difficult because you are be required to work with the really difficult, uncooperative types. I've had bad experiences and in one, my group-mates literally disappeared.
That's me, but let me get back to the project for this module, which is what this post is going to be about. By fate, I was placed in a grouping with two exchange students. At first, I thought things would be really difficult because the project was based on a problem in Singapore, but it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
I had cooperative team-mates, and in the first discussion we had, I was impressed that Kwangyoung, an exchange student from Korea who only came to Singapore at the beginning of the semester suggested something quite Singapore-specific for us to work on. His suggestion had to do with the rich-poor divide, or rather the mega-rich vs the average the Singapore. Singapore is just a playground for the super-rich. The mega-rich were often expats taking all the top positions in the work place making it hard for Singaporeans to get to the top. I thought it was pretty smart.
I didn't have it too bad in terms of communication either. My team-mate from China could communicate well in English. Kwangyoung's English was quite limited, but I am happy to say that despite this, there was almost no problem in communication!
I worked with Kwangyoung in peer teaching and I remember then, that I had quite a hard time communicating with him. I remember our other group-mate, Edmund, doing most of the explaining,re-explaining things I said. This time round, I didn't need Edmund nor did I need the help of my other team-mate. Yay, maybe I did get better at this communicating thing!
Since the project was based on Singapore, and both my team-mates were exchange students, I didn't really expect them to know or understand the issue. The issue we worked on, I feel, was also quite specific. It wasn't, for example, a general issue such as an increasing aging population etc. We worked on the controversial 3am ruling implemented in Clarke Quay only last month, on 1st October. On top of being specific, it is a recent issue too. I had to explain it to them, but I was happy to. I'm glad I played a part in giving them a little more insight into a Singaporean issue.
Having non-Singaporeans in the group also has its benefits. Being foreigners, they could provide insight from their point of view. This gave a broader, expanded view of the issue at hand. Singaporeans working on a Singaporean issue might have limited this. On top of that,I learned a thing or two about how things are done outside Singapore. This was indeed helpful, and even helped form part of the proposed solution.
Of course I faced my share of problems. One was that I had to initiate a lot of things. To be honest that was quite frustrating. But I guess sometimes it has to be that way. I initially thought people in a group would just come together and things would just get done. I don't really believe in having a dominant 'leader' type with the others just being 'followers' in a group. That's the traditional group. I believe in everyone working together on an equal level. I guess this cannot always happen and sometimes people just have to take charge. I used to think people leading projects were just really bossy, pushy, unlike-able people. I understand now that sometimes somebody just has boss and push to get the job done. If I had to, I would boss and push again. I wouldn't do things any different, because what is more important here is getting the job done. I had friends who suggested letting go instead of taking charge and just 'seeing what would happen then', but I think that would be really childish and detrimental to the project.
Another thing I learnt was that not everybody would be as committed to the project. This was a small group, so it was quite obvious. It also meant significantly more contribution by others more involved in the project. It sounds terrible, but realistically, could happen in any other project, whether it is a school or work project. There would always be people more involved and people less involved. It was something I should have expected. It was more stark and bothering probably because it was a small group, but in a larger group, maybe like around 10 or 20 people, it wouldn't have been as bothering. I took part in many CIP projects and of course, some people did more, some did less, but it never bothered me partly because the group was often large.
Mainly, I learnt to have more realistic expectations. Maybe my expectations were too ideal. For this project, I was stern when I had to be stern, however, it did not really change things. I probably have to learn how to better and effectively deal with team-mates who are a little more difficult to work with. At the same time it has to be a way which would encourage them to be more active. This would be especially important in situations where I have to charge. If I learned how to do this, it would benefit the whole team as people would only have to contribute their share and not more to make up for the lack of contribution of some others. It would be fair to everyone working on the project.
As of now, I don't really know how to go about doing this. I thought being stern would help, but it didn't. Have you experienced something similar? I'd love to know how you handled it. Let me know in the comments!
Diana
Friday, 4 October 2013
Evaluating Intercultural Behaviour
A few weeks ago I was out shopping. I was just minding my own business when 2 African men popped into the store I was in. They were clearly African, dressed in traditional African garb, and hence very eye-catching. They spoke in loud, bellowing voices and when a salesgirl approached them, they said they were looking for women's dresses.
I went about my own shopping and while I was making rounds, noticed that the African men hadn't progressed much further into the shop. They were still with the salesgirl and it looked like a misunderstanding had occurred, with one of the men sternly telling her, 'We don't dress like that in Africa,' .
The poor girl looked a little helpless, but I don't think there was reason for her to feel that way - there were clothes there that would fit a myriad of styles. It looked liked the girl had directed them to a section with flimsy little beach cover ups, shorts, and other itty bitty clothes. The first thing that probably popped into her head was the notoriously hot African sun. It was good thinking on her part as a salegirl to consider weather. However, for her, strike one.
The clothes were pretty loud. They were colourful, had crazy prints, and some had odd little details and weird cuts. Strike two.
If she was unsure, she should have asked the men for a description of what they were looking for. It looked like she did not, because the men were disagreeing with all her suggestions. I think it is a basic first step when serving anyone. The fact that the men were of different culture that she wasn't familiar with actually makes this step all the more important. Strike three.
With a stern 'We don't dress like that in Africa', she's out! The men were quite clearly offended at this point.
Based on my understanding, this is what I think of the whole situation-
The men were dressed traditionally, she should have not pointed them out to those 2 classes of clothing first - loud prints, summer friendly cuts. While the clothes may not have looked out of place on someone here in Singapore, she should have also kept in mind that she was serving people of different culture and different values. We dress differently, they very clearly dress differently.
Maybe I can empathise with the girl. Men shopping for women is different from women shopping for themselves. If the women the men wanted to buy clothes for were present, judging by their attire, the salesgirl could have pointed them out quickly to something that might suit their tastes. Since the women were not there, it was probably harder for the salesgirl to do that.
BUT, and a very big but it is, the men were traditionally dressed. That should have hinted at the kind of clothes that would or would not be receptive to. The girl should not have been ignorant of that. Instead of first pointing them out to clothes in crazy colours or summer-friendly cuts, she should have first pointed them out to something more subdued and also perhaps something more covered up. It was a pretty obvious step to me that the girl failed to take. I say failed because the trio were still at the front of the shop where all the wacky things were. The back offered more mature designs.
The men's attires were clues themselves that the girl should have caught on. I'm not sure if the men bought anything from the shop as I left soon after overhearing their little misunderstanding. One thing is for sure, though, that the salesgirl could have handled the situation much better.
Working in town would definitely include serving people of different cultures, from different countries. She should have been more sensitive to the African men and their culture. Being sensitive doesn't require in depth knowledge of the culture, and often we are told not to judge people in a superficial manner, based on what they look like and how they dress, but I think this is not the case in the fashion industry.
If you work in the fashion retail industry, I think I can safely say that you can and maybe should judge people based on their attire. Clothes are a big part of culture, and even if you had zero knowledge on a person's cultures and practices, the clothes can offer a little insight into their world.
If you were respectful and sensitive to other cultures, you wouldn't dress in a tight little bandage dress or wear tiny shorts while traveling in places like the Middle East, maybe also some parts of traditional Africa, even if it was sweltering. Similarly, if that same lady you saw covered up in those countries were to visit your country, you wouldn't first suggest that tight little bandage dress now would you?
I went about my own shopping and while I was making rounds, noticed that the African men hadn't progressed much further into the shop. They were still with the salesgirl and it looked like a misunderstanding had occurred, with one of the men sternly telling her, 'We don't dress like that in Africa,' .
The poor girl looked a little helpless, but I don't think there was reason for her to feel that way - there were clothes there that would fit a myriad of styles. It looked liked the girl had directed them to a section with flimsy little beach cover ups, shorts, and other itty bitty clothes. The first thing that probably popped into her head was the notoriously hot African sun. It was good thinking on her part as a salegirl to consider weather. However, for her, strike one.
The clothes were pretty loud. They were colourful, had crazy prints, and some had odd little details and weird cuts. Strike two.
If she was unsure, she should have asked the men for a description of what they were looking for. It looked like she did not, because the men were disagreeing with all her suggestions. I think it is a basic first step when serving anyone. The fact that the men were of different culture that she wasn't familiar with actually makes this step all the more important. Strike three.
With a stern 'We don't dress like that in Africa', she's out! The men were quite clearly offended at this point.
Based on my understanding, this is what I think of the whole situation-
The men were dressed traditionally, she should have not pointed them out to those 2 classes of clothing first - loud prints, summer friendly cuts. While the clothes may not have looked out of place on someone here in Singapore, she should have also kept in mind that she was serving people of different culture and different values. We dress differently, they very clearly dress differently.
Maybe I can empathise with the girl. Men shopping for women is different from women shopping for themselves. If the women the men wanted to buy clothes for were present, judging by their attire, the salesgirl could have pointed them out quickly to something that might suit their tastes. Since the women were not there, it was probably harder for the salesgirl to do that.
BUT, and a very big but it is, the men were traditionally dressed. That should have hinted at the kind of clothes that would or would not be receptive to. The girl should not have been ignorant of that. Instead of first pointing them out to clothes in crazy colours or summer-friendly cuts, she should have first pointed them out to something more subdued and also perhaps something more covered up. It was a pretty obvious step to me that the girl failed to take. I say failed because the trio were still at the front of the shop where all the wacky things were. The back offered more mature designs.
The men's attires were clues themselves that the girl should have caught on. I'm not sure if the men bought anything from the shop as I left soon after overhearing their little misunderstanding. One thing is for sure, though, that the salesgirl could have handled the situation much better.
Working in town would definitely include serving people of different cultures, from different countries. She should have been more sensitive to the African men and their culture. Being sensitive doesn't require in depth knowledge of the culture, and often we are told not to judge people in a superficial manner, based on what they look like and how they dress, but I think this is not the case in the fashion industry.
If you work in the fashion retail industry, I think I can safely say that you can and maybe should judge people based on their attire. Clothes are a big part of culture, and even if you had zero knowledge on a person's cultures and practices, the clothes can offer a little insight into their world.
If you were respectful and sensitive to other cultures, you wouldn't dress in a tight little bandage dress or wear tiny shorts while traveling in places like the Middle East, maybe also some parts of traditional Africa, even if it was sweltering. Similarly, if that same lady you saw covered up in those countries were to visit your country, you wouldn't first suggest that tight little bandage dress now would you?
Wednesday, 28 August 2013
Resolving Interpersonal Conflict
As individuals whose lives intersect those of other individuals, we are sure to and bound to experience conflict. I am sure everybody has had their fair share of conflict that always makes for juicy fodder in conversation with others outside the problem!
I know I have. And I've had more than my fair share of it. I've had plenty enough that a change in phone number is just pending! I admit that I can indeed be rather callous in my interpersonal relationships,and rather shamelessly I also admit that most times this works to my advantage, but there are also times I truly regret my actions. I have cut many people off without telling them why, and I have told as many people off harshly. I definitely want to change my habits,which is why I am taking this module! For this post,I will talk about one of my more recent conflicts which still feels unresolved today. It involves one of my closest friends.
I've known my friend for about 6 years. Not a very long time, but we became close really quickly. I felt it wasn't like the usual best friend relationship I had with my other close friends. We've been through really bad episodes that could break the friendship up,and indeed many times we've fought and not spoken to each other for months on end. Yet in the end no matter how ugly the fight was,or how big the issue was, we always could talk things out and resume our friendship. It seemed to bring us closer together too. It really was a friendship different from the others!
Being as close as we were, I bothered my friend any time I wanted and about anything I wanted. Of course this goes both ways! Towards the end of our friendship, my friend became less and less responsive. I didn't even expect him to entertain my random musings anymore,so I stopped my habits.
When I had real problems though, I would still reach out to him. When I drop him a message he doesn't reply, when I call, he promises to call back but this almost never happened. Listening to each other's problems was something I thought even the most basic level of friends did. I started to resent him for his behaviour and the more this happened the more my resentment for him grew. What was odd was that after each one of these episodes,we just pretended all was fine and behaved like it never happened.
I felt like I was being made use of,because I would always be there when he wanted yet he did not treat me the same way. He was treating me worse everyday,till finally I decided to end the friendship.
I am the confrontational type,so when I feel there is a problem, I would talk about it. Since the friendship started falling apart, I have tried many times to get him to talk about his feelings, but he never did. He just never cooperated with my attempts to straighten out our issues and mend the friendship. He never gave me the chance to understand him. So I thought to end it.
I tried again,for the last time to seek closure,telling him exactly how I felt about the friendship. I put a lot of thought and great care in expressing my thoughts and emotions,making sure to be tactful and considerate of his thoughts and emotions. However,again,there was no response.
So here I am today, with a friendship I ended that still needs some closure. There is still this hope inside me that he would and could be honest with me with his side of the story even though the friendship is dead. I am not greatly troubled with the way things turned out,but it definitely could have been better. At least with a response, I would feel a little more at peace.
Maybe the problem lay with us being too close and hence too comfortable with each other. When this happens people tend to take each other for granted, and become less sensitive to the likes,dislikes even feelings of each other. I found this to be true in my case. I was also definitely to blame. Sometimes even when he told me was busy I would still bother him with the most mundane of issues. Things he probably did not want to be involved in,i sometimes got him involved. I just assumed as a level 10000 friend he wouldn't mind! But he never was direct me,hence many times i had to guess myself how he felt. Just as my resentment for him grew, his towards me probably did too, just that he was annoyingly silent about it.
In anything,including this failed friendship,it always takes two hands to clap. We were both at fault.
How would you have handled the situation? Would you have tried to save the friendship and how? Or would you also have ended it and what would your approach be?
I know I have. And I've had more than my fair share of it. I've had plenty enough that a change in phone number is just pending! I admit that I can indeed be rather callous in my interpersonal relationships,and rather shamelessly I also admit that most times this works to my advantage, but there are also times I truly regret my actions. I have cut many people off without telling them why, and I have told as many people off harshly. I definitely want to change my habits,which is why I am taking this module! For this post,I will talk about one of my more recent conflicts which still feels unresolved today. It involves one of my closest friends.
I've known my friend for about 6 years. Not a very long time, but we became close really quickly. I felt it wasn't like the usual best friend relationship I had with my other close friends. We've been through really bad episodes that could break the friendship up,and indeed many times we've fought and not spoken to each other for months on end. Yet in the end no matter how ugly the fight was,or how big the issue was, we always could talk things out and resume our friendship. It seemed to bring us closer together too. It really was a friendship different from the others!
Being as close as we were, I bothered my friend any time I wanted and about anything I wanted. Of course this goes both ways! Towards the end of our friendship, my friend became less and less responsive. I didn't even expect him to entertain my random musings anymore,so I stopped my habits.
When I had real problems though, I would still reach out to him. When I drop him a message he doesn't reply, when I call, he promises to call back but this almost never happened. Listening to each other's problems was something I thought even the most basic level of friends did. I started to resent him for his behaviour and the more this happened the more my resentment for him grew. What was odd was that after each one of these episodes,we just pretended all was fine and behaved like it never happened.
I felt like I was being made use of,because I would always be there when he wanted yet he did not treat me the same way. He was treating me worse everyday,till finally I decided to end the friendship.
I am the confrontational type,so when I feel there is a problem, I would talk about it. Since the friendship started falling apart, I have tried many times to get him to talk about his feelings, but he never did. He just never cooperated with my attempts to straighten out our issues and mend the friendship. He never gave me the chance to understand him. So I thought to end it.
I tried again,for the last time to seek closure,telling him exactly how I felt about the friendship. I put a lot of thought and great care in expressing my thoughts and emotions,making sure to be tactful and considerate of his thoughts and emotions. However,again,there was no response.
So here I am today, with a friendship I ended that still needs some closure. There is still this hope inside me that he would and could be honest with me with his side of the story even though the friendship is dead. I am not greatly troubled with the way things turned out,but it definitely could have been better. At least with a response, I would feel a little more at peace.
Maybe the problem lay with us being too close and hence too comfortable with each other. When this happens people tend to take each other for granted, and become less sensitive to the likes,dislikes even feelings of each other. I found this to be true in my case. I was also definitely to blame. Sometimes even when he told me was busy I would still bother him with the most mundane of issues. Things he probably did not want to be involved in,i sometimes got him involved. I just assumed as a level 10000 friend he wouldn't mind! But he never was direct me,hence many times i had to guess myself how he felt. Just as my resentment for him grew, his towards me probably did too, just that he was annoyingly silent about it.
In anything,including this failed friendship,it always takes two hands to clap. We were both at fault.
How would you have handled the situation? Would you have tried to save the friendship and how? Or would you also have ended it and what would your approach be?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)